Perspective

So...I had an eye opening experience today at school.  It has been a great year with my 5th graders, and  I have been so impressed with their compassion and kindness to me and each other.  God must have known that if one part of my life needed a break, that was it.  At the beginning of the school year, our principal implemented a twenty minute "team meeting" time for teachers to have with students during homeroom in the morning.  Today's meeting consisted of our typical "joys and concerns" script that allows the students to express what is on their mind.  But then, we opened up the discussion to anyone who just had something they wanted to share.  One of my most outgoing girls raised her hand to talk and asked if she could put the link to her dad's blog on the board so that students could click on a link that would automatically donate 25 cents to research for spinal cord injuries.  While I had known that her father had undergone a traumatic event that left him in a wheelchair, I did not know the details or extent of his condition.  So...after the kids left this afternoon, I immediately typed in his blog information.  And his story made me really think about my own situation with Logan. 

My student's dad was a normal, hard-working, healthy man with 4 children.  One morning last year, he said he woke up to go the bathroom and was hit with an excruciating pain in his body.  To make a long story short, a herniated disk had ruptured in his back.  After surgery, he was left paralyzed from the waist down.  In one instant, his entire world was flipped upside down.  Nothing would ever be the same.  And he had a wife and 4 children to care for!  The entries in his blog began about a year after the incident occurred.  I'm sure it took him a long time to be able to put into words everything that has happened and the feelings that it has left him with.  As I read all 7 of his entries, I could not hold back the tears.  Some were sad tears, but others were tears of hope.  This man, who most would think has lost everything and would be in a complete state of depression, is full of optimism.  He admits he has bad days, but is grateful that his still has the ability to use his trunk and arms.  One thing he said really struck home with me...he wrote... (and I hope I don't get in trouble for copying his words, but they were inspiring to me)

One question I have never asked is “Why me?”  It is just a silly question in many ways.   It is like asking “why is the sky blue?” “ Why do we die?”  “Why is Jennifer Lopez so gorgeous? (I had to say it, sorry wife)”. The answer is simply: “Just because”!  Put in a very blunt way, this happened to me because STUFF happens and this time it was my turn.

Looking at it from a statistical perspective, spinal cord injuries are statistically possible (low probability but still possible) so I was the lucky one in this case. Somebody has to make that small percentage. In this case it was me.  I took it for the team.

Looking at it in more spiritual way, asking God “Why me?” is sort of an arrogant question. Who am I to question God’s plan for me? God made this happen to me for a reason. A reason that I might never be able to understand.  It does give me peace of mind to think that this is part of a bigger plan. I hope I deliver against His plan as best as I can and exceed His expectation. (Darn, I am sounding so corporate….that happens after you work many years in Corporate America).

His words were just the reminder I needed this week to put everything into perspective.  Yes, sometimes it sucks having to do Logan's irrigations at night, and sometimes I get discouraged when he is not doing things at the speed I want him to.  But in the bigger picture, I am really quite lucky. I have a beautiful little boy who makes everyone that he meets smile.  He is happy and will live a full life.  His life might be different than I had envisioned, but that's okay.  My student's dad puts it quite simply: 

One of the greatest lessons I learned during a peer support meeting was that I have to get used to my new normal.  What I am living now is my normal life and the more normal it becomes, the less painful it is in my heart.

I think this is true, and I am getting to this stage of acceptance.  I have to give so much credit to this little girl in my class.  She has never let on all year that any of this has been going on in her family.  She never asks for sympathy or complains about "losing" her dad.  Everyday she comes in with the most upbeat, positive attitude.  She hugs her classmates when she sees them having a bad day, and she has a wonderful sense of humor for an 11-year old.  I am just amazed by her strength and courage to handle this situation at such a young age.  I guess you can find inspiration in places you never expected!