Tuesday, March 22, 2011

What's Normal?

Nothing too exciting to report right now...I don't know if that's a good thing or bad thing : )  Sometimes I don't know what's "normal" and what's not for my child (does every parent feel this way at some point?)  I wonder, "Is Logan going through a phase every kid goes through or is something wrong with him because he's special?"  TOn Friday, the doctor put him on steroids for 5 days and a maintainence antibiotic for three weeks.  We're supposed to go back after that.  Unfortunately, he's still having trouble sleeping and whacking at his ear pretty frequently.  The doctor said he's only hearing about 40% with all of the fluid that's in there.  I know I'm not a doctor, but why can't we do tubes immediately?  Why do we have to wait??? 

I know it's not easy for any parent, but Olin and I are especially bad at letting Logan "cry it out."  We'll let him go about 10 minutes and that's about all we can stand.  See...I don't know if that's because we feel sorry for him and we're afraid something will happen to him if we let him keep crying.  Are we doing that because of his syndrome or are we just softies?  We also know he is in some amount of pain with his ears so we feel guilty about that too.  After a while his screams go to this entirely new heart wrenching new level (which includes slight foaming at the mouth!)  I instantly think something must be terribly wrong...like his leg is stuck in the crib slats or something.  Then I'm compelled to go look "just to be sure."  Olin has been really great about soothing him at the wee hours of the night.  I've just been tired lately.  Tired in a lot of ways.  I definitely need a break from school and my kids.  I think they need a break from me too!  I also need a break from Valdosta State school.  I'm actually counting the points I've earned already so I can see what assignments are completely necessary just to make an A or B.  I know that sounds terrible (especially coming from a teacher), but I just don't have it in me right now to try to be the straight "A" student.  I'm playing tennis too on Wed. and Sun. which just adds one more thing to fit in to our schedule.  And I know tennis should be fun, but it's really just more stressor.  I hadn't picked up my raquet since last season when our first match rolled around this past Sunday.  The night before, I seriously had a dream that I was trying to play my tennis match with plastic fork...literally trying to hit it from the baseline with a white plastic fork!  I just feel like I'm half-a**ing everything right now and not giving anything 100% (which isn't like me).  Okay okay...enough of the pity-party, I know.  I guess my rollercoaster is down today! 

 
Spring is here!
 I do have to mention Logan's trip to Crabapple Crossing (my school) last Friday.  Olin dropped him off at about 2:00 after his doctor appointment so that he could meet my students (and accompany me to a birthday celebration after work)  Logan was dressed in a blue and orange striped outfit when he arrived...that resulted in lots of Auburn/Florida comments : )  My kids were so great with the little man.  They know all about his "issues."  I filled them in back in November when we got Logan's diagnosis.  At first, I debated if I should tell them or not...could they handle the information?  I am always telling my class that we're like a little family so I realized I had to tell them.  They responded so well (and their parents too).  They had many questions and I answered them to the best of my ability.  It's a little hard to explain genetic complications to a group of ten-year olds.  Now, I keep them updated on Logan's progress and show them his videos on Youtube.  They are some of his biggest fans.  I think they really enjoyed meeting him, even if it was only for a few minutes.  I also took Logan around to visit some special people in the building.  It really was so wonderful to see how many people were excited to see him and treated him just like any other kid.  That is the great thing about my school....even though I'm not close with everyone in the building, it still feels like we're a big family.  I could count on any of my co-workers if I needed them (and I know not everyone can say that).  I'm very lucky!  It always seems like when I start to feel sorry for myself and our situation, I am reminded of how fortunate we really are...I was informed about two accquaintances affected by cancer this week.  Life is so precious, and when it really comes down to it, health, friends, and family are all you need!

2 comments:

kelly said...

I think it's hard to let him cry it out for all the reasons you listed. And those are enough to make any parent go back in the room. You are the best mommy and God picked you to be Logan's mommy because he knew you were the best one for the job. Don't worry, I'm sure next week will be an 'up' week! Utitlize your babysitters too during this particularly stressful time...give him to the grandparents this weekend!

Anonymous said...

:) I love reading your blogs on Logan. I love to see his progress. I pray for your family often. I know God has big things in store for Logan. Love, Angela