"Fear not for the future, weep not for the past" - Percy Bysshe Shelley

I've only been writing this blog for about a week now, but I can honestly say that I haven't felt this good in a long time.  It's not like everything in my life is now perfect and that the hurt and anger have miraculously subsided, but I do feel a sense of relief and freedom from my own thoughts.  Do you ever feel like you cannot get your brain to turn off...the thoughts just keep spinning and spinning inside your head?  Welcome to my life.  It doesn't matter if I've just woken up for the day or if I'm riding home from work in the car, I can't get my mind to turn off.  It can be 5:15 in the morning and I'm trying to picture what our lives are going to be like 20 years from now.  I know it sounds so ridiculous, but it's the truth.  I keep telling myself that if I don't start living in the moment that so many wonderful things are going to pass me by.

This week though, I finally feel a little less crazy.  Even Olin has commented that I seem happier than usual this week : )  Totally unexpectedly I have found comfort in a friend from the past who is going through a very similar experience to ours.  It's almost like we're living parallel lives just a few hundred miles apart.  Looking at her, I think she is soooo incredibly strong, and I marvel at her faith in God.  People sometimes say "Gosh, I don't know how you do it...or I could never do what you're doing."  Well, the thing is, you don't have a choice.  You do it.  What other option is there?  Your baby might not be everything you imagined him to be, but he's your baby, and now you love him just the way he is.  You can't imagine him any other way.  If Logan didn't have MWS, would he still be the incredibly lovable, cuddly, hardly ever cries, loves to be thrown in the air, beautiful baby that he is?  How could I ever want to change him now?  I guess, I want to change what the research tells us his future will be.  I want to change the fact that I may never hear him say he loves me or ask me for help.  Yes, that I want to change.  But if he never has to experience hate, or pain, or understand why people kill each other in this world, maybe he's pretty lucky.  We all just want our babies to be happy.  That's the ultimate goal.  And if I can learn to be happy along the way too, that's a double bonus!

"Fear not for the future, weep not for the past" - Percy Bysshe Shelley